The Freak before the Faith
- thegirlymum
- Aug 5
- 3 min read
What if your illness is the surrender?
We talk about surrender like it’s a vibe.
Like it’s a meditative state you can journal your way into.
But real surrender is usually much more honest and much more physical.
The body gets sick because many times it’s the only way it can finally let go.
Healing starts when you fall apart.
When the body lets go of everything it’s been holding.
And it doesn’t look enlightened.
It looks like the freak.
The freak is what happens when the body finally stops performing wellness.
It gets loud. It gets sick. It gets real.
Because it’s done suppressing.
That’s surrender.
Surrender is the Faith
Faith isn’t a mindset. It’s not a mantra.
It’s what happens when your system stops bracing for impact and starts trusting life again.
It’s not the moment after the rash clears.
It’s the rash itself.
It’s the fever burning what no longer belongs.
It’s the cough pulling grief through the lungs and into form.
When someone says, “I got so sick I couldn’t fight it anymore” - that's the moment.
That’s faith — choosing to come through the body.
It’s the war ending.
The Freak Is the Threshold
The freak might look like:
A panic attack after years of holding it in
A skin eruption after years of steroid creams
A wild, unexplainable fatigue
A child screaming again after being too “easy”
A sudden shift in what your body will no longer tolerate
There are not malfunctions of your hardware. They're perfect design.
The body doesn’t lie.
And it doesn’t pretend to believe.
It either holds… or it lets go.
Your Miasm Is Showing: How Surrender Shows Up Differently
Psora - The striver
Surrender = giving up control of the process
The freak = exhaustion, apathy, despair when the hustle fails
Faith = trusting that healing isn’t something you earn
Sycotic - The concealer
Surrender = dropping the image
The freak = messiness, secrets surfacing, chaos behind the curtain
Faith = letting yourself be seen as you are
Syphilitic - The destroyer
Surrender = not destroying what isn’t working
The freak = crisis, rage, breakdown, the urge to ruin what you feel isn't working
Faith = believing that transformation doesn’t require collapse
Tubercular - The escape artist
Surrender = staying still
The freak = restlessness, a need to flee, impulsive change
Faith = choosing to be here, even when it’s hard
Cancer - The overgiver
Surrender = releasing the role
The freak = grief, resentment, martyrdom, over-caregiving collapse
Faith = letting yourself receive
Adjuncts to Support Surrender (Without Resisting the Freak)
🛁 Salt baths – Surrender requires softness.
Magnesium helps the body stop clenching.
🌬 Nervous system breath – Focus on your exhale.
It tells your body the threat has passed.
🌿 Lemon balm, skullcap, chamomile – Calm doesn’t mean shut down.
These help you feel safely.
🪞 Journaling prompt: Where have I mistaken collapse for failure?
Where have I mistaken control for care?
📿 Simple mantra: “Let it come up. Let it move through.”
👣 Touch the ground – Stand barefoot. Put your belly to the floor. Surrender is physical.
In service to the highest good,
Lindsay
If you're realizing that your symptoms might be the body's way out,
not just the problem — you’ll want to read this next:
👉 Control: The Energy Behind Suppression - A deeper look at how control blocks the direction of cure, and what actually starts to move when you stop holding it all together.
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